News Brief

Drunk Person Gives Advice to Anyone There.

Local drunk and self-proclaimed shell-of-a-man, Edwin Crodd made his views on life available to the public today at no cost or consequence. Spewing his opinions on whatever subjects he could form on his lips, Crodd had this to say that was decipherable:

"There's no pot of gold at the end of the Rainbow. There's only these pants, over and over and over."

"You know how Mel Gibson made his money? He told us how Jesus died. Goodbye."

"Roger needed a good slap in the face. So I gave him one. That's right I hit the man. Where did I put my thirty eggs?"

These invaluable nuggets of wisdom were all we had time for before Crodd caught his cab to go sober up.

I walk the line

I recently lost a bowl of soup. Really good soup. I had it in a tupperware container and was transporting it to my home to eat at my leisure, but it never showed up. I showed up, but the soup was lost along the way somewhere. This raises the question: where's the crazy line, and have I crossed it? (It's a rhetorical question, so stop formulating sassy comments.) Secondly, I'm posting this in solidarity with my pal Tif(f), who recently lost a pair of shoe soles. [tiffanyinlouisville.blogspot.com] My hope for Tif(f) is that the soles will eventually emerge from hiding and be graciously welcomed back to their shoes, just like the Prodigal Son in that after-school special they played on TV in the 80's. Those were really good shows with valuable life lessons, and they were probably based on true-life events. As for my soup, I'm chalking that up to a valuable life lesson too, that being: some experiences are proof that paranormal phantasma do exist, and have probably ripped a teensy hole in the fabric of space-time, and have stolen my soup.